| Do you practice attachment parenting? Why or whynot? What are your thoughts?

Do you practice attachment parenting? Why or whynot? What are your thoughts?

Lane asked:


I was thinking about attachment parenting after I read about it in one of my baby books, but after spending a weekend with one of my friends who was doing attachment parenting I decided against it.

My friends son is now 2 and a half, and she WAS doing attachment parening, up until about 8 months ago. When I spent the weekend at her house, she couldn’t leave her son long enough to go to the bathroom.. she has to take him in with her because he throws fits and cries if she leaves the room without him, he is always wanting to be picked up and she can’t anymore because he is heavy and she has cleaning / cooking / school work to do. She said that when she takes him to daycare on her school days that he throws tantrums and tries to pull his hair out because she is gone, and she said sometimes she has to lay with him at night for up to 2 hours for him to fall asleep and she said she just couldn’t handle it anymore ( She is a full time student, freelance journalist - works from home, and has another son as well ) because she said he was too dependent on her and couldnt do anything by himself.. he can’t even sit on the couch and watch a movie long enough for her to make his supper.

I don’t know if it’s this way with all parents who practice AP, but this seriously scared me. My daughter is 7 months old and I decided not to do AP with her. We’re still very close and spend all day together, but I still try to get her to play by herself a bit and watch movies by herself, so that she can be independent enough so that I can make her supper and do laundry. I still breastfeed by choice but she sleeps in her own bedroom and I only wear her sometimes. I find as a 7 month old she is way more independent than my friends son, I can leave her in her playpen while I am making supper ( she is close enough I can still keep an eye on her ).. and I’ve never layed with her to fall asleep, and I find this so much better, for me atleast.

I couldn’t picture having a kid in the same bed with me and my boyfriend every night, unless she gets sick or something. I think it would be too hard on our ‘personal time’ and once she got older and needed her own bed it would be too hard to get her to sleep by herself.

What do you think about AP?
Mustand_Girl - I totally agree with everything you said. My friend also has an 11 yr old son, and he STILL tries to sleep with her, most nights she ends with the 2 yr old, 11 yr old, and her all squashed in a bed together. I think that is so unhealthy for the kids. Kids NEED a certain level of independence to function properly later on in life, I don’t think it would be healthy for my daughter if she was attached to me all the time, she needs to learn that time on her own is good, too. I’m trying to teach her early so that in a few years when she can actually throw tantrums, she won’t freak out if I have to make supper or clean and won’t be able to give her attention 24/7.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Do you practice attachment parenting? Why or whynot? What are your thoughts?”

  1. azul on May 17th, 2009 7:10 pm

    agreed, no amount of AP, is good in the long run….kid will never b able 2 make any decisions 4 himself. a childs needs it’s space also and this way that precious step in independence is forfeited.

  2. calypso3 on May 20th, 2009 6:15 am

    i have never heard of it, but it just sounds creepy. why would anyone want to teach their child that they have to be attached at the hip to survive?? that is terribile for a child i think. i think it is our jobs as parents to raise a child to be successfull and independent on their own.

  3. Mom to 3 under 6 on May 27th, 2009 10:18 pm

    It sounds to me like your friend has one of two things going on — either her son is a very high needs child (or has other issues) OR she’s not actually practicing AP very well.

    AP is about being attentive to your child’s needs and responding in a timely, appropriate way. With infants, this means lots of holding and cuddling, responding immediately to cries, and often babywearing and breastfeeding. As the child gets older, they gain independence, but you continue to be aware of and respond to your child’s needs. (This is not the same as giving them everything they want and/or letting them run wild.)

    AP does not mean carrying kids on your hip non-stop until they’re two, forcing them to sleep in your bed, or never ever letting them spend time with another adult.

    I do my best to practice AP with my kids, and they are all well-adjusted, relatively independent kids. Kids *want* to be independent and do things on their own, and our job as parents is to guide them on their way.

    Anyway, I hadn’t seen any comments that truly reflect AP. I wish I could write more, but I have a teething toddler on my hands tonight, and he needs my attention.